Can’t Stand Me (from the side)

What do you find more unbearable: watching a video of yourself, or listening to a recording of your voice? Why?

It’s the reflection in the storefront windows that get me. I often sneak a peek when walking by and then I see my funny posture – I lean forward and my bottom sticks out. And I have my mother’s short torso, so I look all out of proportion.

I immediately try to stand straighter, tuck in my tummy and backside. But it doesn’t seem to help. And is soon forgotten, too.

We look at ourselves in the mirror and admire ourselves; how well these new slacks fit, how nicely I go in at the waist.

But if we turn sideways, there’s that sticky-out tum you try to deny. Even trousers with those inserts that are supposed to hold it in don’t really work.

So I just don’t look at myself sideways, if I can help it, because this is me and I’m stuck with it. I know I could do yoga, or something, but I don’t.

But see a person who is overly fat eating in a fast food restaurant, or whose paunch hangs over the belt, and I suck in those stomach muscles once again, for at least a minute.

And don’t look.


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